Seeing Midsummer last night was pretty great. First time I'd been back to my alma mater to see a play since I graduated, and first time going to the theatre at all since I left Florida and came home.
Though when I should have been so happy, watching Shakespeare with a really awesome friend who'd never before liked the Bard, part of me felt really empty and sad.
I interned at an awesome comedy theatre during my final semester of college and just a couple weeks after graduating I moved out for the first time and spent a season working at the Utah Shakespeare Festival. Although I didn't line up and jobs while I was there, I did get to go back to Utah to work at another festival; that time I did line up my next job.
I was let go from Florida Rep because I couldn't cut it. So I returned to Colorado and now I'm in a completely different work environment: a call center.
All I can think about right now is that I'm just not good enough to work in an industry that I wanted to be in for so long. Growing up I wanted to be an actor or comedian, then in high school I decided to be a techie, then in college I tried acting again before getting professional work as a stage ninja. But that dog just wouldn't hunt. Looking at pictures of what Florida Rep has done since I left just depresses me; I wonder why, other than keeping my connections open, I'm even Facebook friends with most of the people I used to work with.
I know I shouldn't dwell on the past, but…let's face it. My dreams have died. It's time to wake up. I might take some improv classes on my days off, but things just won't be the same anymore.
"When they next wake, all this derision
Shall seem a dream and fruitless vision."
—Midsummer, Act III, Scene 2, Lines 1428-9